I'd like to think that I move through my life with a sense of connectedness to the greater world....our planet ...our place in the galaxy, the universe...both physically and spiritually...
So how is it that i can still be surprised by the wake up call that occurs with the change of each season?
I find this 'wake up call' to be at it's most insistent at the onset of Autumn each year. It takes me a week or two to realize that my general state dissatisfaction, my antsy stirrings, that nutty feeling that I am missing something but am not sure what the hell it is, all stems from this shift.
Then ensues a mental scramble to make changes happen....to grab back up those things that I have let slide..those things that help me love myself, that move me, that put me in a place closer to wholeness. Sadly, I am finding that the more years that i have under my belt the more difficult and overwhelming it seems to collect myself up and step back onto this path.
The truth is that I allow myself to get caught up in the things that are right in front of my face, on my calendar, in my check book...a sort of urgent short sightedness just to get through the days 'having done what was needed' for those people in my charge. If i were to evaluate as the days and weeks fly by i would have to confess that there are many times when my entire focus was just about feeding and housing our tiny diverse tribe. I feel myself moving at a speed that somehow does not allow for peace...am i moving any faster then everyone else? Certainly not...and yet I see those around me skillfully arranging time in their lives for self-fulfillment and self nourishment. There is an art to this arranging that I have consistently been inconsistent with.
My logical brain tells me that the creation of this time is essential to my well being ..and that through this creation and the resulting increase in my well being I will have more to offer..more energy, more peace, more vibrancy, and most likely, more happiness
Sure, I have moments, I am overwhelmed by the sight of our Bald Eagles, I feel moved by our sunrises and sunsets, marvel at the incredible pallet that surrounds me, am invigorated by the power of our Bay and cherish my time out there....I've read some good books lately, done a bit of writing, thrown out a few paintings....but there is something missing...It just sort of seems that i am stealing these moments...that there is always something else hovering over my shoulder nagging at me that 'it' should be the focus of my energy instead...
I would like to see myself as the sort of person who commands a great deal of self determination....enough of that determination to add some fleshier ducks to my row....to have Autumn burgeon in years to come and to realize that I have already heeded the wake up call and have no need for the urgent scramble..
On our little planet spinning around at about 994mph.... flying around the sun at about 67,000 mph in a galaxy that wings through the universe at about 490,000 mph is it really any wonder that it seems like our moments move too quickly?
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