blocked

well...day 21 of no smoking..the first 18 days also had no caffeine...yesterday and this morning i had one cup of coffee ..which i didn't finish and didn't even taste very nice..

my family has suffered a bit as i have attempted to move through this transition successfully and with as much grace as possible..

but the mornings have been far from grace filled...a general state of angst hits at some point..

i spend lots of time repeatedly reviewing in my mind..(and often a loud much to the dismay of those around me at the time )  the many reasons why quitting is a gift.

-I no longer have to apologize for smelling like an ash tray  as I am hugging my friends.
-My car doesn't reek of smoke any more
-I don't have to walk around with a collection of breath mints and essential oils to attempt to hide the stink
-i don't have to feel guilty about my kids knowing i am smoking
-i don't have to be embarrassed about disgusting ashtrays full of butts on the front porch
-i can take a deep breath....first week i could deeply inhale only to the count of 5..now, at the close of week 3 i can deep breathe to 8...minor?  maybe but it's a keen reminder that the changes in your body happen immediately
-my skin feels better..and i think looks better all ready...my color is better...the dry skin is lessening..
-i have so much more time ..all of those moments when i was stopping to smoke are now put to better use just getting things done..some of that is me distracting myself from thinking about smoking..shoot i even cleaned out the 'junk drawer' ..go figure..
-and last but surely not least..I am not spending $200 bucks a month on that crap..yes, a pack a day is where i was ..that's $7 bucks a day...@$50 bucks a week...

my creative juices don't seem to be flowing very well..have stopped several times over past weeks to try to put out some new poetry ..but it's not happening..

for now, i will gladly take this temporary 'block time' to focus on not being a smoker...
the creativity will return eventually!!